Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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