I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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