Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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