when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
