we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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