this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
