Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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