She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
