girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
