I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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