dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
