Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
