I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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