Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
