I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize