is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
