i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
