That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
