i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
