Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
