He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
