hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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