Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
