Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
