I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize