Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
