hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
50% drunk capacity currently
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize