you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
