I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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