Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
