Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
