Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
True strength comes from lack of pants
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
