i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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