we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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