Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just pee around me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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