I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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