I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
