I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
