There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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