Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
