Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
