Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
