youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
