I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
