somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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