Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
