I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
