why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
