I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
