Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
