??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
