The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
