im six kinds of drunk right now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
