Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My cat gives me a boner
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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