god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
