Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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