shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
