Even the bartender felt bad for me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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