are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
