Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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