Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
