I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize