I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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