I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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