rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize