Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
