Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
