There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
