If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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