i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
